Some snaps from my Harry Potter Reread - Part 1 [Part 2]
Some snaps from my Harry Potter Reread - Part 1 [Part 2]
HOW IS THIS NOT EVERYWHERE?
Reblogging this good news…again.
y’all know EXACTLY why this isn’t everywhere. don’t pretend to be oblivious
The very first time I remember you, you are blonde and don’t love me back.
The next time you are brunette, and you do.
After a while I give up trying to guess if the colour of your hair means anything.
because even if you don’t exist, I am always in love with you.
I remember most fondly those lifetimes where we get to grow up together,
when you share your secrets and sorrows and hiding places with me.
I love how you play along with my bad ideas,
before you grow up and realize they are bad ideas.
(And in our times together I have many bad ideas.)
When we meet as adults you’re always much more discerning. I don’t blame you.
Yet, always, you forgive me.
As if you understand what’s going on, and you’re making up for
all the lifetimes in which one of us doesn’t exist,
and the ones where we just, barely, never meet.
I hate those. I prefer the ones in which you kill me.
But when all’s said and done, I’d surrender to you in other ways.
Even though each time, I know I’ll see you again, I always wonder
is this the last time?
Is that really you?
And what if you’re perfectly happy
Ah, but I don’t blame you; I’ll never burn as brilliantly as you. It’s only fair
that I should be the one
to chase you across ten, twenty-five, a hundred lifetimes
until I find the one where you’ll return to me.
JUST NOTICED LAST NIGHT THAT BUCKY WAS ALSO ON A DRIP IN THE ENTIRE CHAIR SCENE
I know it’s a fucked up scene, I do, but that to me just is nOPE. What the fuck are they putting into his system on top of the mind wiping and the physical abuse and the conditioning.
THE TUBE ON THE BACK OF HIS RIGHT HAND, IS THAT A DRIP?
Dr. Cyan calling in here, and yes, that is absolutely a peripheral IV cannula on his right hand. Watching the scene carefully you can see the IV stand on his right, with two infusion bags attached (sorry for the crappy images, maybe someone can grab a better screenshot if they have the DVD):
If you watch frame by frame, you can see that Bucky pops the connection tube off when he attacks the med tech; it dangles freely from the IV bag when the guards move to point their guns at him. In real life he’d probably have torn the cannula out of his hand entirely; it happens all the time with little old ladies in my ER so I was disappointed the directors didn’t draw on that particular body horror/’ouch’-factor here.
The infusion bags appear to be one 1,000 mL isotonic saline or D5W/D5NS (dextrose/glucose in a saline solution) for tissue rehydration, and one 500 mL isotonic saline, most likely a diluent for injectable/parenteral drug administration:
Which drug? Well, it could be any HYDRA concoction, but I’d put my money on the tried-and-true fallback of some benzodiazepine. BZDs/derivatives are anxiolytic (anxiety-reducing), hypnotic (sedative/sleep-inducing), anticonvulsant (good for when you’re electrocuting someone’s brain), amnestic (affecting memory), and myorelaxant (muscle-relaxing), a nice cocktail for working with the Winter Soldier - and hey! paradoxical BZD reactions include aggression and violence (such as attacking attending medical staff), and it may also cause anterograde amnesia as well as internalised feelings of turmoil, anxiety, depression, and loss of the ability to experience and/or express feelings. Plus, withdrawal can cause depression, depersonalisation, derealisation, hypersensitivity, psychosis, and suicidal ideation - sounds like a lot of Bucky-in-from-the-cold fanfics, am I right?
Seriously, writing this, I’m wondering where the withdrawal!Bucky fanfics are - the fics I’ve read all focus on his mental issues, but what about the physiological ones? I’d really like to read a fic about Bucky coming off whatever HYDRA pumped him full of - now that’d make for some neat hurt/comfort (and a lot of curling up on Steve’s bathroom floor shaking and puking his guts out).
(When I get my hands on a HD copy of the movie I’ll have a look at the rest of the medical setup in that scene. I’m especially interested in the screens behind the chair - maybe some more medical meta to be explored? Please send any screenshots my way if you have them!)
I have personally gone through benzodiazepine withdrawal (due to no fault of my own - doctor gave me the pills as a muscle relaxer for a pain condition and told me the dosage wasn’t high enough to worry when they instructed me to stop taking them suddenly in favor of another drug). I also love hurt/comfort. Don’t make me do the thing! :D And I imagine they’re some super drugs too, to work with whatever serum he has.
Now I kinda wanna do the thing.
I for one hope you do the thing :-) He could have been kept on some sort of cycle of stims on a mission and sedatives in between..?
I wonder how beneficial a benzo addiction would be for somebody whose job requires having extremely fast reaction times, though? That shit takes a lot of time to clean up from your system. Then again, doesn’t Bucky have hyper metabolism like Steve? Which makes me wonder how effective any drugs would be on him…
Maybe, like the good Dr. speculates, Hydra has invented super-soldier drugs. Or maybe not. Maybe drugs like barbiturates and opioids and propofol only have a negligible effect on Bucky, and Hydra had to treat him and perform invasive operations on him without much in the way of anesthetics :-/
That’s just my own speculation though — I’d happily read about withdrawal!Bucky for sure.
I would assume him to have a metabolism like Steve - they did say he was given a serum similar to Steve’s - so i’d guess super/modified benzos. Something works on him, because in his flashback you see right after he strangles the tech, someone comes toward him with a syringe aimed at his chest. Comics Bucky was kept sedated until they could perfect the mind control, but of course comics Bucky had no super soldier serum.
For me, it took about two or three days for the withdrawal to kick in, so maybe the slowing of his reflexes is negligible considering how much faster he is than ordinary targets anyway and maybe the missions are done and he’s back in HYDRA hands before the withdrawal kicks in? Or like you say, they gave him something to counteract it for missions.
I didn’t think it could get sadder… withdrawal!Bucky would pretty much be puking and lying awake all night with intense rebound anxiety, on top of the PTSD he likely already has.
Ah, yeah. That syringe. Well, they have sedatives that work on rhinos, they would have one that works on Bucky, too :-) But I suppose it would be trial and error as to what exactly, and how much.
I was thinking more along the lines of the benzos themselves slowing down his reactions, since they are sedatives? For instance, my preferred sleep med at the moment is a mild benzo, taken very occasionally of course.
And, yeah… I don’t think anybody gets into this Bucky loving business without having some sort of serious masochistic tendencies as to their preferred entertainment? :-)
girls think having a period sucks but try having to fix your penis discreetly through your pocket
having the insides of your organs shed and come out through your genitals does not compare to having displaced balls sorry
none of you can do it discreetly anyways
we see you
everyone sees you
E L James: Fifty Shades of Grey
Special thanks to Community Bookstore for help with this one.
it is important to understand that
- some people take longer to process these events (longer to realize this is truly happening in real time, in reality, and not in their minds)
- some people (especially if they are developmentally disabled) can have a complete and total SHUTDOWN from so much information flooding at them at once, especially if it is close to home (when one of my high school teachers was arrested on charges of sexual abuse at his previous school, I had to shut out ALL information from the outside world for months in order to keep functioning and living, which was incredibly difficult as he was a family friend. I tried as hard as I could to continue my life, but too much frequent information BROKE ME entirely, to the point where I could not even get out of bed, as it was too triggering and personal and overwhelming)
- when people talk about mental health and ferguson, it is not just “but it will make me sad and I don’t want to deal with that!” As mentioned in point 2, some of us (especially autistic people, and other developmentally and intellectually disabled people) need to be able to step back for a while to continue to cope with life as such horrific events unfold. it can be too much for those of use who deal with sensory overload and other similar overestimation.
- Which is NOT to say stop blogging about it. It is only to say that the discussion of “whether or not it’s okay to step away from the topic for mental health conerns" has been dominated by depression and anxiety, and thus opponents have only been giving their rebuttals in THAT context.
- developmental and intellectual disabilities do not excuse a person from caring about ferguson. not in the slightest. HOWEVER, the affects of tragic news on us has been blatantly ignored when it comes to mental health and blogging.
- please, continue to tag ferguson posts for all disabled people regardless of their “level” of disability, and please remember that mental health concerns expand beyond “it can make people nervous and sad”.
- just. please. let people be warned.
Advice he’d give a 12-year-old version of himself"It might sound oversimplified, but I’d say, ‘Shhh.’ It’s so funny how noisy my brain is - it’s what it does, it makes thoughts. And the problem is, I think in most of our lives the root of suffering is listening to that brain noise and actually identifying with it as if it’s who you are. That’s just the noise your brain makes. And more often than not, it probably doesn’t have much to say that’s going to help you. I’ve felt my best are the moments that I’ve been able to pull that plug and say, ‘Chris … shhh … shhh.’ And it’s not quitting, it’s not giving up, it’s not washing your hands of the thought, it’s rising above it. All the time I’ve spent suffering as a result of brain noise, hours of my life wasted. So that’s what I’d say: ‘Shhh.’"
One of the biggest stories in comics and pop culture over the summer was from Marvel Comics showing their efforts in creating diverse characters. Much to a lot of fans dismay,they made Thor a woman and Captain America a black man. Sam Wilson aka The Falcon is now officially Captain America. While working today through my anger at the Ferguson, MO story which is still unfolding…I wondered what Sam would do if he were a real person. So, I did this image to deal with the madness.
my mom just looked at a spider at our kitchen and yelled “why do you have to be like that? you dont need that many eyes or legs you need to stop”